Sunday, August 27, 2006

Baby's First Blog

Let me introduce myself:

I live at the Jersey Shore. My name is Beth Mann. I will be sad when I die and have to give up my simple but effective name.

Beth Mann.

I'm in my 40's and still feel like a child, wandering, searching, finding myself. A work in progress, I guess.

Most people think of me as "deep" or "intense" but I think I'm almost Homer Simpson-style simple. I like surfing, good food and fine wine, watching movies, listening to loud music and fretting over my latest dysfunctional relationship.

The Jersey Shore used to be my home, as a child, but it isn't any longer. I'm lonely a lot of time. Not just for that romantic "other" but for a community that gets my jokes. Sometimes I think of moving to Scotland and just saying goodbye to my life here in the States. And I could do it because I have a lot of freedom. No kids, no husband...not even a house plant relies on me.

I like karaoke because I can sing and release the frustration and sadness I often feel. I'm not a great singer, but I keep getting better, and there's something beautiful about that. Even in the beige and lifeless community, I found an outlet. Proud of myself for making lemonade out of lemons yet again.

I kinda like my non-traditional seat-of-the-pants approach to life. Its rather freeing. Surfing was really freeing this summer - bordering on the mystical - and there’s all these cute young guys, wet and…cute. Good sport for cuteness. (Beats boxing, for example.)

I need a transcendental experience. I need sex on a daily basis. I need a week’s worth of deep sleep. I need to drink wine less. Or drink wine more. I need to read stuff that changes me on the inside. I need a deux ex machina. I need a lover who won’t drive me crazy.

I’m rambling. Let’s stop. Lest I reveal too much, too soon.