Sunday, December 24, 2006
The Old "Crack Fell on My Shoe" Excuse
I ask you to believe me. Believe this little tale I lay before you. I couldn't make ths s*%# up, I swear.
So, you remember the hustler/prostitute who moved in with her new victim/my roommate, right? To recap, he met her and after one night of being together, she moved in with us, sending the household into utter turmoil and forcing me to find a new place to live. She seems like a total scammer, but my roommate just can't see past his raging...adoration for her.
She is gone for the month of December, as per my request - so I can look for a new place to live in peace. I came home a few nights ago (get ready for this one - you're gonna luuuuvvv it!) after eating spectacular Vietnamese food at Nah Trang in Chinatown with my friend Ruby and my roommate is in his bedroom, door closed, yelling at his new "girlfriend." At first, I tried to ignore it and went in my room to change into my jammies. No...no...I was naked (that's to keep the horny captivated.)
Now I'm not much of an eavesdropping sort - but this one, man - I could not pass up. I tiptoed to his door and listened to the weirdest one-sided conversation that perhaps I have ever heard. It went a little something like this:
"What do you mean the crack fell on your shoe? That's impossible. It's physically impossible!" (Pause)
"Its in my hand! I'm looking at it! Its in a bag. It's a white rock. Of something. I don't know! I don't know crack but I've heard it comes in the form of a rock."
(At this point, I was ready to knock on the door and explain to him that meth and cocaine can both come in rock form but I didn't want to interrupt his flow.)
"So you're telling me that when you were staying here, you went out to the front of the apartment building to smoke a cigarette and a bag of crack fell on your shoe. You weren't sure what to do with it, so you brought it up here...that's ridiculous!" (Long Pause then quietly)
"No...no...I'm not calling you a liar. I'm sure it could happen. I mean...lots of things...happen. Its just really weird."
And with that understatement of the year, I returned to my soon to be ex-bedroom and went to sleep.